I received this week's "Monday Morning Coach" letter from Betty Mahalik at Dynamic Solutions, and wanted to share with all of you as a reminder of how POWERFUL WORDS can be!
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I’m often amazed at how easily we get off track, start following someone else’s path or simply talk ourselves out of doing what we know to do. I’ve discovered that usually at the core of the distraction, disengagement or desertion is a word, maybe a phrase that has started running itself in the background like computer malware. The disempowering word is usually one at the lower end of the “power continuum” I’d like to share with you today.
As you read through the short descriptions going from powerless to powerful words, ask yourself where you are on the power continuum. Then make the decision to shift forward.
Should. At the bottom end of the power continuum is a word I hear dozens of times a day. If I’m talking to a coaching client who is “shoulding” on themselves, I will usually stop them and bring it to their attention. When you use the world “should” it is a red flag that you have given your power away to some past or present voice. The question to ask yourself is: “According to whom 'should' I do this or that.” Rarely are we motivated by shoulds, and if it appears we are, we often find ways to sabotage the plan. Until you’ve decided what you want (see below) you’ll continue to give your power away to others who will indeed should on you all day long. On the power continuum scale of 0-10, powerless to powerful, should is a 0.
Can’t. Henry Ford had it right when he said, “If you say you can or you can’t, you’re right.” I can’t is a guarantee that you won’t. The moment you say the words you’ve literally proven your point. This also gets a 0 on the power continuum. Just shifting from what you can’t do to asking, “what can I do?” moves you from powerless to powerful.
Try. Ah the famous, “I’ll try.” We might as well say “I’ll try not to” for all the power in this one! “I’ll try to make it to your party,” is a thinly disguised cover for I’m not going to be there. “I’ll try to exercise more.” We might just as well say “when hell freezes over.” “Try” is just a nano-step ahead of “should” in terms of its sad lack of power. Next time you find yourself “trying” just give it up. As the oft-quoted Yoda would say, “There is no try. There is only do or not do.” One other cautionary note about the word “try”: it sets us up to struggle, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t need more struggles in my life. Either do or don’t do, but don’t try! Score: 2.
Could. One step up on the ladder toward powerful is the word could. At least with could we begin looking at possibilities instead of staying stuck inside someone else’s rules or wants for us, or sabotaging our efforts with “can’t” or “try.” If I say “I could exercise today,” it simply means I have the option of doing so. I still have not stepped into the real world of action and power but at least I’m giving it consideration. On the power continuum could scores 3-4.
Want. Let’s kick it up a notch and look at the word “want.” To go from a could to a want is a significant shift forward. It takes you from standing in the lane of broad generalities and moves you into the faster track of meaningful specifics. If you don’t know what you want, you’re vulnerable to the shoulds, coulds and oughts imposed by others. Deciding what you want is like the fulcrum that shifts you from powerless to powerful. It tilts the continuum forward. On the power scale I give it a 5.
Will. To go from want to will is next up on the power continuum. It’s sometimes easy to get stuck in wanting. I want to be thinner. I want to have more money. I want more success. But what “will” I begin doing more of, perhaps less of in some cases, to have what I say I want? Your will is a powerful tool. Last week after a day in which I found myself munching on junk food throughout the day, I gave myself a good talking to, starting with a reminder of what I want (health, vitality, a strong, slim body), followed by a reminder of what I will do to get that (exercise, limit access to munchies and exercise some discipline!). My will and mine alone determines what I do next. How about you? Score: 6-7.
Choose. I choose to exercise the discipline necessary to have the (fill in the blank: business, body, lifestyle, home, bank account) I want. I choose to show up every day and do what I can to further my goals. Choice is filled with power! Choice is about coming from a powerful paradigm. Choice is about being my best self even before I’ve created all the results I want. I choose confidence. I choose action. I choose life. I choose joy. Choice comes from the heart as well as they head. Choice rates a 9 on the power continuum.
Am. The most powerful, most creative word in the human language is the word “am” usually preceded by the pronoun “I”. “I am powerful.” “I am successful.” “I am creative.” “I am talented.” “I am persistent.” “I am pursuing my goals and dreams!” Can you feel the power in those words?
It is equally creative and powerfully destructive to use the words “I am” followed by a negative description: “I am a failure.” “I am not good enough.” “I am not smart enough” You get the picture.
On the power continuum, the word “am” ranks a 10. Here’s a simple way to remind yourself of the power of this one-syllable word: “That which I repeat often enough becomes true for me.” Repetition builds belief, and belief coupled with consistent action will always produce results in perfect alignment with it. This word gets a 10 for its powerful punch.
Stop today and listen to your words. Where do they fall on the power continuum? By the way, the words I’ve identified are only some of the more commonly used powerless and powerful words. There are many variations on these themes. My point today is to challenge you to find out where you most often use language. Is it on the powerless or the powerful end of the spectrum or somewhere in the middle. Remember, that which you repeatedly say and do becomes a part of you. Become conscious of whether your language is taking you closer or further away from your goals. Then commit (another very powerful word!) to shift your language to begin programming yourself for success.
You can do it! Have a powerful week!
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